Posted by: stasiamhoff | December 10, 2010

don’t panic- panic!

In light of recent events, i.e., failing a class for the first time in my life, today my mind is thinking about panic attacks. Why? Cause they’re scary as fuck. Actually, the night before I found out my grade for General Organic and Biochemistry I (yeah, fuck that shit), I had a major panic attack. It was my first one since the summer and, as usual, it came completely out of nowhere. I’ll try to explain how it feels, but you can never really understand one unless you get one.

The only time I can really know what’ll trigger it is if I’m wearing a shit that fits too small, especially around the shoulders. Also, being in the middle of the pew at a really crowded church can do it for me sometimes, unless I’m in the front row.

Disclaimer: This is a typical panic attack I get. Not everyone goes through the same process or get the same symptoms

It normally starts with a gentle trembling of the body. Enough to notice, but not enough to be truly annoying. It rumbles into shivers, but you’re not cold; you’re actually feeling quite warm, but have the urge to cover in as many blankets as possible. Soon, breathing becomes short, quick and desperate; a hyperventilation, if you will. This is where the involuntary panic begins- gasping for air, shaking uncontrollably, and tears will begin to stream down your face at an alarming rate. Your mind begins to spin at warp speed, trying to analyze what’s happening, which makes you very dizzy. If you’re not laying down already, you will be by now because you have fallen. When the brain finally accepts that there is no logical reason for this to be happening, that’s when the headache hits. But that’s not the right word for it, unless you’re talking about an aluminum softball bat to the head. The headache you receive from this is to the head as a sucker punch with brass knuckles is to the stomach. When the pain registers, you have about 60-90 seconds of consciousness left, so get to a safe place. Not that that will matter anyway- when you wake up, you’re never where you were before. And you’re always curled up in a ball, either laying down or sitting and rocking back and forth. It takes a few minutes to snap out of the daze that you are in, but once you do, your heart and your breathing slow down, but you feel scared, like this thing happened to you and you lost control. You feel helpless. So you shed a few more soft tears, and then you’re able to move on.

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Posted in deep thought

Posted by: stasiamhoff | December 3, 2010

i hate you

how fucking dare you say that shit to me? what, were you trying to get me to turn on my best friend or something? you fucking coward- you ever blocked me after you sent the message. for an honest second i really thought it was danny that sent that to me, since so few people are my friends on my real profile and it’s set to private. so here’s what i got to wake up to on my RP profile..

Between You and Danny Smiths
December 3 at 5:55am Report
dude stacia did anyone ever tell you? on your real profile you look like rocky dennis from the 80s movie

FIRST of all, it’s spelled S-T-A-S-I-A. if you’re gonna insult me, insult ME. secondly, um, no? how does THIS

two people look alike at ALL?

this is me…

and this is rocky dennis….

anyone else as confused as i am? yeah, i thought so. although I must admit the message made me burst into tears. I only got 5 hours of sleep last night and i woke up to finish studying for an english final i had to take at 10 (i woke up at 8:30) sooooo my day started off horrible. i’ve talked to a couple people, and i’ve decided im not putting up with this shit anymore. rping as rachel is a way for me to do the acting i’ve always wanted to but was always too scared to. RP is also a place where I can bitch about my real life and not have my parents and friends completely freak out. MOST of the people in RP are incredibly sweet and caring, and give really good advice. Hell, i met some of my best friends on here! the REAL Danny, “Bryant”, Alexis, Dan and Rashaun, plus people like Belle who I’m not friends with on our real profiles, but I love her like a sister and can tell her anything. I don’t want to let go of the community i feel on rp or the outlet for all my frustrations. im talking to scott later and im probably getting the police involved. cyberbullying and identity theft are serious crimes and should not be left unpunished. i sure as hell am tired of letting it go.

and talking to andrew today made me realize who’s behind all this- vincent. the very vincent i defended for months. the vincent who i racked up a $165 call on the night ‘franco was pretending to be him’ and i was being there as a friend. im a fucking idiot for ever trusting him. poor danny, he scares me even more these days.. he’s got enough going on and he doesn’t need this crap. i dont need this crap. no one does! and i hate feeling so helpless when it comes to this all. i can’t be there for danny, especially if he wont let me, but mostly cause he lives so far away. i feel helpless cause i can’t really do much other than report the people i know are responsible for the terrorizing on facebook- but in real life i want them to pay. there’s a law and they broke it. attack me in character about my character fine, but making it personal? fuck you.

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Posted in bitching

Posted by: stasiamhoff | December 2, 2010

Attention Rachel Fans- the moment you’ve been waiting for!

RP Between ClarkKent TheBlur and Rachel Owens. December 1, 2010

Clark has something important to talk to Rachel about!

“Clark? Are you okay?” Rachel looked very worried at him.
Clark stared at her with an amused smile across his face “wrong ? For once nothing is”
Rachel began to feel very strange, although she wasn’t entirely sure why. “I’m glad to see you in a good mood Clark. I was worried that… after Taylor you’d be down in the dumps for good.”
Clark looked down for a moment remembering Taylor , but pushing her aside he looked back admiring Rachel “I left Taylor because after our first official road block in the relationship we were crushed , and would never make it through together”
Rachel sighs, looking away, guilt washing over her. “Yeah, and that road block was me.”
Clark laughed softly looking away then back to her “yah , but Rachel . It wasn’t a bad road block , it was a good one”
Rachel looks back at him, sure that she heard him wrong. “What? What do you mean?”
“you know , I’ve been practicing all day” Clark said shaking his head in embarrassment “and no matter how much I do this is still hard”
Rachel looks at him with a confused grin. “Practicing what Clark?”
Clam took a deep breath and supersped up , standing directly infront of her looking down at her face “Rachel , I .. I don’t know how you still feel about me , but I ..” he stopped biting his lip for a moment .
Rachel heart skips a beat and looks at him wide-eyed. “Go on.”
Clark bit harder on his lip looking down at her , he continued “.. But I , I understanding if you turn me down , I asked you to wait for so long , and to do that to a person is wrong , and I hurt you because of it , I’m so sorry ..” he stopped once me looking away .
Rachel takes a step towards him, turning his face towards her gently with her hand, speaking softly. “Clark, I told you that even if I had to wait until the end of time, I would.”
Clark smiled weakly looking back at her “Rachel , if it’s not to late ..” he smiled a bit more tilting his head to the side softly in her hand “I love you still , and always will ..”
Rachel begins to tremble, taking a deep breath. “If it’s not too late, what Clark?”
Clark took one final breath , scared for how’d she respond “for us to be together Rachel .”
Rachel gasps and shuts her eyes. Feeling faint, she grasps onto his arms for support.
Clark held onto her carefully , holding her up gently “Rachel .. Are you okay there ?”
When she finally opens her eyes, they are sparkling with tears and excitement. “I haven’t been this okay in a long time Clark.”
Clark smiled softly looking into her beautiful eyes “well that’s what I want to hear” he said happily . “so ..” he said raising a brow .
Rachel begins to nods quickly and lets out a laugh “Yes!” Throwing her arms around him.
Clark smiled brightly , a warm happy feeling over taking his body “I .. I don’t know what to say ..?” he said in a softly mutter biting his bottom lip .
Rachel looks back at him adoringly. “You’ve already said what I wanted to hear, Clark. I’ve never been this happy.”
Clark smiled sweetly , a slight blush taking his face “you don’t know how long I practiced that in the mirror” he confessed with a giggle .
Rachel chuckles softly. “Was it really that difficult? Did you seriously have any doubt in your mind that I wouldn’t choose you?”
Clark shrugged a bit “I don’t know to be honest , you kinda turned away after the Taylor incident and Ollie stepped in and took my place” he looked down at her “I thought that I might have lost my chance”
Rachel tilts her head, looking up at him. “I blamed myself for what happened with Taylor.. and I thought you didn’t want to be around me.. Ollie’s.. Ollie.” she grins. “If you’d hear some of the things we talk about, you’d swear we were high..” nodding “No, Ollie’s a good friend, but nothing more. In fact..” blushes “We talked about you quite a bit.”
“I had my doubts , but I knew somewhere deep down that you might still love me .” Clark said grinning “Love’s all about taking that leap” he added with a playful wink .
Rachel giggles and bites her lip. “No one else I’d rather jump with.”
Clark blushed slightly looking down at her “same here beautiful” he said calmly “now , our first night officially together . What would you like to do ? Celebrate ?”
Rachel looks to the side, pretending to think. “Well, I know one thing I’d like you to do.” looks back at him with a wink
“hmmmm ,what could that possible be .” Clark said playfully pretending “could you give me a hint ?”
Rachel giggles softly as her eyes dip to his lips. “I could, but where’s the fun in that?”
“I guess your right , I’m just gonna have to guess then ..” Clark grinned leaning closer her , his eyes locked onto hers as their lips touched .
Rachel inhales quickly when their lips touch, shivers crawling down her spine. her eyes shut as she slowly kisses him back
A grin came across clarks face as she returned the kiss , smiling against her softly lips “did I guess right ?” he asked playfully .
“Yeah I guess you did” she whispered on his lips. looking up, smiles, feeling overwhelmed. “I love you Clark.” smiles happily with starry eyes. “You chose me.”
Clark looked into her eyes pulling back a few inches “i did , and I love you so much more”
Rachel crinkles her nose and looks up beaming. “I think we’ll have to agree to disagree on that one, Smallville.” with a wink
“alright , agreed” Clark said with a grin , admiring her . “so beautiful , what would you like to do tonight ?”
“well, honestly I wasn’t expecting this.” Rachel said with a chuckle, “so I’m at a loss for words. Actually..” thinks for a moment. “I need to talk to you about someone. You know her.. Tiffany?”
Clark nodded slowly “I was gonna ask you about her also .” a serious look over taking his face .
Rachel frowns. “Great minds think alike? Or has she been talking to you.. about me.”
“yah she’s talking about you . Apparently she love me , and she’s not to fond of you ?” Clark said looking down at her . “do you know something I don’t ?”
Rachel grits her teeth and rolls her eyes. “She and I have a.. stupid” shakes head “only word to describe it. a stupid relationship. Ie,” sighs “My best friend from high school.. a couple months ago we were together and Tiffany” spews the name bitterly “decided she was in love with him.” looks up sad “He and I broke up shortly after when we found out my marriage to Brady wasn’t ended.. and then she drove him crazy” getting angry “stalking him and claiming he got her pregnant. at this point he was engaged to Bridget, but he couldn’t handle the stress anymore, so he left.” looking down “No one’s heard from him since.”
“okay , so let me get this straight . She goes after all your guys then ? Clark said raising A brow .
Rachel replies frankly, angrily. “Yep, pretty much. and she tries to make me feel bad when they don’t want her. And she always gets my ex- her best friend- involved to double team me.”
“well I guess your screwed , cause I’m totally falling for her” Clark teased sarcastically with a chuckle . “so who’s the friend ?”
Rachel scowls “That’s not funny… her friend?” chuckles bitterly “the worst mistake of my life. he’s actually dating Larissa.. the name’s Mikey.” gags.
Clark was surprised by her reaction “oh sorry .” he then thought about the name “don’t know him , but I’ll keep a look out for him”
Rachel nods, irritated by talk of the ex that nearly destroyed her. “I would if I were you.. he’s done some horrid things.”
“well spare me the details . I don’t want to go home tonight with nighmares” Clark laughed softly . “don’t worry , Tiffany is not even half the woman you are . There’s nothing she or her crackhead friend can do to take me away from you”
Rachel attempts to smile. His words were sweet, but the topic of mikey always spoiled her mood. Instead she looks at him with longing and speaks quietly. “You promise?”
“yes my beautiful Lois Lane , I promise” Clark said softly and sweetly , grinning down into her eyes and pulling back to admiring her from the bottom , up . “how did I ever get so lucky” he said happily .
Damn he can change my mood instantly, Rachel thought to herself, Maybe I really am in love! she blushes as she feels his eyes on her, looking up and sighing happily, “I think I’m the lucky one- I get my own superman.”
“you do .. But I get this !” Clark said happily sliding his hands up her thighs , around her hips , along her chest to her lips . “perfect”
Rachel is breathless at his touch. “You’ve got all the moves, haven’t you?”
Clark smiled with a wink “it comes with the charm”
Rachel grins, biting her lip, looking at yours. “The ol’ Kent charm.”
“exactly” Clark said quietly leaning in .
“mmmmm” Rachel wraps her arms comfortably around him, pulling him close with a sexy grin.
“oh , I think I just found my new favorite smile of yours” Clark whispered grazing his lips along hers .
Rachel chuckles softly against his lips. “Just shut up and kiss me already.”
“okay” Clark laughed pressing his lips against hers softly , kissing her slowly .
Rachel shuts her eyes and happily kisses back, her hands moving to his face and her hips pressed up against his.
Clark slid his hands comfortably onto her back holding her close , her chest against his as he enjoyed the taste of her lips .
Their bodies fit together like two pieces of a puzzle; Rachel had never felt anything so right before, enjoying the slowly long kisses of her superman.
Clark smiled against her lips , never wanting to leave her side . He thought how they were only just starting off as friends 2 months ago . “I love you Rachel” he spoke softly between each breath .
Rachel’s heart swells as she hears him speak those three words, words that for countless nights she yearned to hear. Opening her eyes and watching him, she still had a hard time believing the was all true. “Please god tell me this isn’t a dream.. Am I really here with you Clark?’ spoken with a slight skepticism but full of hope.
Clark chuckled softly at her question “your here with me Rachel , this is no dream . I love you , I always have and I always will” clark spoke softy brushing back a single lock of hair that hung down onto her gorgeous face.
Rachel trembles as so many emotions stream through her veins. Feeling weak, she interlocks her fingers behind his neck and holds on tightly. whispers “I love you so much Clark.”
Clark smiled sweetly down at her , he slid his hands down onto her lower back , holding her up gently . He looked down into her eyes , enjoying the moment in total silence .
With one hand on his shoulder, Rachel gently caresses his cheek with the back of her other hand, becoming lost in his deep eyes.
Clark kissed her stronger and deeper , his lips indulging in the taste of hers . He pulled her closer to him once again , her chest pushed up against his . He held her up as they slightly floated a few inches off the ground .
A warm fuzzy tingling sensation starts at her lips and the tips of her toes as the pick up off the ground and soon fills her whole body as she kisses him back, brushing the tip of her tongue off his lips.
Clark grinned slightly at the feel of her tongue , he opened his mouth slowly inviting it in as he slid his into hers .
Rachel groans in pleasure as she feels the touch of his moist tongue, getting little butterflies in her stomach. She keeps the kiss slow and deep as she explores his mouth.
Clark opened his eyes for a moment as he admired Rachel for a moment , remember everything between them that lead to this . He smiled closing his eyes once more slowly sucking on her tongue .
Rachel’s heart beats faster and moans, squirming against his body as she feels a heat from within, a desire. I’m hopelessly over the edge with this one, she thought to herself.
Clark pulled back for a moment taking a breath , he looked down noticing they were a meter off the ground . He looked back to Rachel , smiling at the twinkle in her eyes . He ran a finger down her lips as he spoke “that was , amazing”
Rachel catches her breath and looks him over, grinning. “Yeah, and the kiss wasn’t bad either.”
Clark laughed softly at her comment . “so beautiful , have you decided on what you wanted to do ?” Clark added wiping away a hue of lipstick from his lower lip .
Rachel thought for a moment of all the thing she could suggest- fun things, naughty things, other things, but she wanted things going slow, and based on her mood, there was only only one thing she wanted to do. Looking into his eyes, she mummers “I want to fall asleep in your arms.”
Clark smiled when he heard her say the words . No one had ever wanted to do that , and thats what made Rachel special to him , she was different , she was romantic , she was his . “that sounds like a great idea” he responded as they slowly descended to the floor below .
Rachel had never felt so warm or safe than when she was with Clark, and she just wanted to spend the rest of her days like this. She held on intimately as the returned to the wrong and smiles when she feels her feet touch.
Clark slowly and gently scooped Rachel up into his arms smiling into eyes . And in a flash , entered the bedroom . He laid down onto the bed with Rachel in his arms , he got comfortable as he slowly stretched out before looking at her once more with a sleepy grin .
Rachel moves as close as she could to him as her eyelids droop. “I love you Clark.”
“I love you to rachel” were the last words that left his mouth as he sank into the pillow beside Rachel , falling to sleep .
As she drifted off to sleep in the arms of the man of her dreams, she couldn’t figure out how she became so blessed.

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Posted in RP

Posted by: stasiamhoff | November 30, 2010

“Have you noticed, on top of it all, it’s raining?!” “That’s a bad sign.”

quotee is from my favorite moviee franchise- Pirates of the Caribbean. it’s the part of the third movie, At World’s End when the Pirates are getting ready for the final big sea battle with Davy Jones after releasing Calypso. Damn good movie.

annnnnywho, i always think of that quote whenever i go outside and get surprised by the rain. like today as i walked to my self defense final which, by the way, i aced! no fucking surprise there but im still happy i passed my first college exam. huzzah! it took me a grand total of 3 minutes to do the final and yet it took my 10 minutes in the rain to get there- worth it? ehhhhh i guess. i suddenly realize that i’ve got a shittload of homework and project crapp due tomorrow. oh and 4 online quizes for a class i haven’t been to in weeks.. maybe i should start it? nawwww. i’ll go to a & p this afternoon though cause i need serious help in that class.

thing to piss me off today- my exam schedule. granted, i will be happy for the extra time i have and lord knows i’ll need it, but jeezy creezy do they have to be spread out that far? my english exam is friday, which is before exam week. i’ve only got 3 exams i have to take next week and they’re all spread outtt- monday, 8am; thurs 4pm. and some other one for that class i dont go to aka general organic biochemistry.. doesn’t sound like a class you should skip huh.. but the lectures and lecture notes and quizes are online so its not that bad.

after the yesterday i had, it was nice that danny and bryant made me smile this morning. seriously those guys are the best. i guess something good did come out of rp- i got ma muskeetteers <3 and they are fucking awesome. and now i have a sudden urge to switch from watching jeff duham to watching eddie izzaard. thanks bryant. teehee

random thought- ohmygod shoes?

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Posted in random dancing

Posted by: stasiamhoff | November 29, 2010

oh yeah.. blogss

wow.. i haven’t written just to write in a while.. probably why my feelings are going loco right now. well, that and the fact that im a LADYEE. no need for further explanation, im sure. hmmm what’s pissing me off today…. college, mostly my stats prof- what a bitch! juss cause we cant understand you with your thickk espanolio accent doesn’t mean you should get all huffy about it! geez. oh and that exam has decided to be at 8am on a fucking monday????????????? fuckkkkkk. less see, what else… oh, people who rp without a moral code, like RP rape and kidnapping (without deciding with the person a head of time) and people who speak ill of the dead. that is soooooo rude. the whole thing literally had me in tears. well that and someone really played with my emotions and i got fucked over. i gotta remember my motto from now on to protect my fragile heartt.

don’t fall in love. and most certainly never admit your real feelings. trust no one cause you’ll just get screwed over in the end. </3
please just don’t play with me, my paper heart will bleed.

hermmmmm what else… oh, found out some other news that broke my heart, although it really shouldn’t have cause i don’t have any claim to him or whatever.. do what he gotta do, go with the flow. ya dig? i guess it hurts cause im a fool and i’ve got all this dramamama going on around mee and im a womonnn… good thing- my internet is allowing facebook to show me pictures again- huzzah! bad thing- my internet won’t let me watch smallville- sadfaceee. i was finally getting back into it.. smallville and i have a weird relationship- one moment, i wanna punch the screen. the next im rotfl (to borrow the abbreviation cause i didn’t want to say it, although thinking about it now it woulda been shorter than writing this little sidenote. oh.) ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh oh yes, this weekend. dot dot dot question mark? ah yes, this weekend. welllll lesseee. i slept through thanksgiving day only to watch up and eat some cheese. it was good cheese. problem is, im allergic. baddd cheese. so i went back to bed. fridayy momma worked so i loafed around doing nothing and dennnn got drunk that night. had sum fun with that. until caturday came around.. daddy-o took us to pittsburgh to be with the famm for a little thanksgivingnesss. paigey was super stokked to see me, like gram said- we chilled the whole time. dinner was cool. just two words: YAM BOWL. and apparently my cousin Kagan has a “small band” according to gram- you know we made fun of THAT the whole night.. baron growled the second he saw me- guess he didn’t forget the last time i was over ha ha. but then whe i’d sit on the floor he’s come over with his tuna breath and lick my nose and then growl in my facee- weirdoo. but i love that pup. he fell asleep under beth’s chair at linner (lunch and dinner obviously).. poor thing just wanted some turkey! great to see the godparents and kiddos in from maryland. ‘caela’s just as she always is- micaela. haha it was essentially a good idea to go that day.. gramps and my uncle/godfather seemed to keep errrbody in line- no momma bashing, thank god. i was gonna go to pittsburgh thursday with daddy-o and then mansfield saturday to see grandpa neer who’s the one with heart problems and needs surgery (he’s getting another opinion) but cause i was sickk, i wasn’t allowed to. damn dairy allergy bothered me all weekend.. had a hot pittsburgh guy checking me out all during mass- that was an ego boost. sissy was jealous, cause we were just talking about how she wanted to find a pittsburgh boy to date.. lol it’s funny how we look basically identical and yet i tend to get the guys.. maybee cause she’s so damn shyy. im too loud for my own damnn good sometimess. hmmmmmmmmmmm wut elseeeee. oh sunday got drunkk at like 1 with margaritass, had some peeps over from the neighborhood to drink and dye some hair.. momma nd bethy were gone cause she had to drive 4 hours backk to college.. had the placee to myself, so i filled it with jose, peeps, and emmmmm blastin’ from my laptop. and then i get a call from dad ‘im on my way to take you backk’ ahhh shitt didnt have anything packked or nuthing. and my hair dying was outrageous. noooo me gustalo. issss black again, but as usual, i miss the roots of the hair RIGHT enfrente de my head so i lookk like a total loserr.. but what else is new.. oh, my new motto:

friends don’t let friends drink and dye!

ohhh yeah, and danny’s taking calc! boooooooo so freaking jealous it’s not even funny! i hate stats with a flaming passionnnn. but at least this is the last week of the semester and then finals next weekk..

ahhh shitt.

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Posted in random dancing

Posted by: stasiamhoff | November 28, 2010

Rachel’s almost certain death

 RP Between ClarkKent TheBlur and Rachel Owens. November 27, 2010.
Things are falling apart for Rachel- the doctors have announced that Alex’s coma is permanent. Her sister has married her ex and turned her back on the family. Brady has taken custody of the girls. And she admitted to Taylor everything that has happened between her and Clark. Rachel has lost her best friend and betrayed the girl who saved her life. Life, what life? Breathing has become so undesired for her that she has planned a special night for herself, but is interupted by none other than her superman. But can he even save her?
 
 
*superspeeds in , keeping a meter distance from her* Rachel don’t freak , I just came here to make a proper goodbye .. Forever *frowns sadly* I messed up and hurt you badly and you can’t understand how much I feel pain and regret for doing it *slides his hand into his pocket retrieving it* I want you to know that I’m truthfully sorry , I do and always will love you with all my heart . Your clarks .. My Lois lane *opens his fist to reveal the red k ring* that’s why I’m not gonna be him any longer .. *lifts the ring up lining it up to his finger* goodbye beautiful .. I’m so sorry , I hope you can forgive me ..
 
*she lifts her face to watch him. She’s dressed in a small tight white dress with green shinning brightly dangling from her ears. He face is tearstained, but her eyes show no emotion now. she looks back down and pulls a vial out of her purse and turns it in her hands. in a small voice* the beautiful die young, or something like that-*her gaze returns to him*
 
*he held onto the ring as he supersped fast reappearing in the same spot with the vial now in his hand* white dress , vial , you can’t . You can’t commit suicide Rachel .
 
*looks at him confused* how were you able to get so close with the *plays with her earrings*
 
if I don’t stay in contact with it for a certain amount of time it doesn’t fully affect me . *shrugs*
 
ahh *a smile slowly creeps onto her face* clark, have you noticed something? about the vial?
 
*Clark looked at the vial , noticing a tint of green* kryptonite ?
 
*laughs softly* if only.. *whispers* it’s empty clark
 
Then why’d you show me it ? *stares confused*
 
*eyes begin to go blank and she steadies herself* i just wanted you to know.. what happened to me
 
*his eyes widen , shocked* no .. *he steps forward slowly the pain of the kryptonite flaring through his entire body* you already drank it .. *he stands infront of her , fighting to keep awake from the pain* no ..
 
*tears fill her eyes* how did we get to this point? *struggles to speak* today i got the news that my son isn’t waking up.. they asked me to pull the plug… brady has custody of my kids… *breathing becomes labored* i can never be happy. i even lost *chokes*
 
Rachel .. *a tear falls from his eye , wobbling to one side , his skin cracking slowly looking down into her eyes* I’m so sorry , I .. I love you . *leans closer to her looking into her eyes* is there anyway I can save you .. I always save you ..
 
Clark *brow furrowed as it became harder to concentrate, fumbling for words- you can’t get closer* it’ll hurt you
 
I .. Know . *falls to a knee looking up at her in unbearable pain* but If my Lois lane is gonna die , I will die with her ….
 
*shudders as the poison begins to take affect* Clark, please.. no.. *manages to rip off her earrings and throws them*
 
*stands healed but still feeling pain , pain in his heart* Rachel . Tell me how to save you . I can’t live without you .. *face showing hurt and tears , he held her in his arms* please !
 
Rachel Owens November 27 at 11:05pm
*tries to push him away, but has no more strength* clark. *weakly* there is one way. if you.. *eyes roll back and she goes limp*
 
*catches her in his arms looking down helplessly* Rachel … *cries holding her tight* I don’t know how ..
 
*dry-mouthed, tries to speak* c-cl-clark.. i..
 
*leans in close , face inches from hers* tell me ..
 
*swallows and whispers* i love you. don’t forget that
 
I love you more beautiful *he says tearing up* let me save you , I can’t live without you . Rachel .. I choose you *kisses her cheek*
 
*tears fall slowly down her face* no, you can’t do that *coughs weakly* to taylor.
 
Either I do that , or I kill myself after you die in my arms .. *bits his lips and kisses yours softly then pulls back* let me save you .
 
*tears fall harder as our lips touch, eyes slowly open* m-my purse.. another vial
 
*reaches down with his free hand and pulls a single vial out of the bag and place it in your free hand , opening it for you* drink ..
 
*lips barely part as the liquid goes down and coats her throat. eyes shut and becomes very still*
 
*holds her in fear , waiting in silence for a moment , staring down at her motionless body* rachel …
 
*body stiffens and jerks up suddenly, coughing loudly*
 
*a weak smile appears across his face a he watches her awaken in his arms* thank god !
 
*gasping for breath and looks around. seeing you, tears up again* clark..
 
Awe Rachel .. It’s alright *smiles down at you*
 
*whispers, trembling* im so sorry
 
It’s okay , I don’t care about any of that . All that matters is your here with me now .. *smiles sweetly brushing your hair out of your face*
 
*leans into your arms and lays against your chest, eyes shut*
 
*holds her close never wanting to let go* I’m sorry I led you down this path .
 
*shivers slightly, not responding, moves closer into him, wishing she could hide from the world*
 
*holds her tightly* I love you Rachel .
 
*shudders again and buries her face crying*
 
*he slowly stands up , carrying her in his arms , holding onto her tightly*
 
 
 
*wraps her arms tightly around his neck, sniffing to stop the crying*
 
Where would you like to go beautiful .. *looks down , wiping the tears from her cheeks*
 
*looks up at you* i just don’t wanna go home.. i can’t be alone right now
 
Well I’ll stay with you so your not alone *smiles*
 
*smiles slowly* thank you clark
 
Your welcome , so instead of home . Where would you like to go ?
 
I… *sighs* I don’t know. I wasn’t honestly planning on coming home tonight
 
Hey , let’s not talk about any of that stuff . How about we just go back to the farm ? *grins*
 
*thinks about it and nods* okay, that sounds like a good idea
 
We’ll get for something to drink and eat , and then you can get some rest *he smiled softly then supersped to the farm walking through the front door*
 
*she had blinked so she didn’t even notice the superspeed. looks around confused* whoa what?
 
We’re at the farm *he replied with a soft giggle as he walked them into the kitchen* would you like something to drink ? Or eat babe ?
 
Well I could go for a beer, but based on the poisons that have been in my body.. maybe not a good thing. How about water?
 
Sure , should I carry for everywhere or do you want me to put you down ? *he joked softly walking over to the fridge and handing her a bottle of water in his arms*
 
*grins* well honestly, i feel safest in your arms.. but if you want to put me down..
 
Well truthfully I like carrying you around , I enjoy keeping you close to me *smiles brightly opening a beer and taking a drink*
 
*smiles wider* so i guess we both get what we want.. except that beer. *pouts slightly and laughs*
 
Well go for it , if you feel okay too of course though . *motioning the beer at her*
 
*shakes head* i know better than that.. it’s too dangerous. but thanks
 
Alright , smart girl . *grins* would you like something to eat ?
 
Yes *thinking* I need something that will help absorb the posiont o clear my system faster. *thinks back to her nutrition class* Grains, starches… *looks up at you* a baked potato?
 
Sure , but that’ll take at-least an hour to make it *shrugs pulling out a bag of potatoes*
 
really? *laughs* wow you do take your good ol’ sweet time- i can cook one in 7 minutes.. in the micro of course *giggles softly*
 
I use the oven , but hey . The microwave works too *laughs softly preparing the potato with his free arm*
 
Umm, Clark? *watches you try to cook with one arm and grins* Maybe you should let me down to do this
 
Oh yah , okay *softly places you on the ground walking over to the microwave with the potato on the plate*
 
*leans against the counter to keep her balance and she finds herself staring at him as he walks away*
 
 
 
*places the potato in the microwave setting the timer , then he turned around* you alright over there ? Your still looking pretty weak .
 
*his voice snaps her back to reality and she shakes her head to clear her thoughts and looks at his face* Oh, just a little shaky still
 
Rachel , do you want to talk about what happened tonight ?
 
*sighs and scratches her head* what is there to talk about?
 
You tried to kill yourself babe . *looks at her*
 
Oh, yeah *looks down and sighs*
 
You know what , let’s just forget about it . Put it behind us *nods* we all make mistakes right ?
 
*snorts quietly shaking her head* yeah, some more than others
 
Let’s just forget all about that *the microwave beeps , Clark superspeeds over retrieving the potato and placed it down infront of you . Handing a fork and knife over to you smiling*
 
umm mr. kent- butter and salt? *winks* please?
 
Oh , of course *smiles superspeeding back with a tray of butter and salt* bone appetite .
 
*laughs* thanks, you’re a prince. *begins to carefully cut up and prepare her potato
 
*laughs softly , admiring her as he takes a drink from his beer*
 
*looks up from eating, chewing slowly* I hope you’re not planning on staring at me the whole time i eat.. it’s getting kinda creepy *grins*
 
Oh my bad . *looks around* I should find you a place to sleep . Anywhere in peticular you wanna sleep ?
 
*laughs* it’s okay.. as for sleeping- ive never really been to the kent farm before..
 
Well , there’s a big bed I usually sleep in . But you can take that and I’ll crash on the couch *smile slightly*
 
Oh, no I couldn’t send you to the couch! that’s something my mom would do to my stepdad when she was angry with him *chuckles*
 
It’s fine *laughs* you need the rest .
 
*grins* yeah it’s my own damn fault. *stands up and shakily walks to the living room to plop down on the couch*
 
*superspeeds infront of you picking you up in his arms and speeding you to the bed* your taking the bed . *smiles*
 
*raises an eyebrow playfully* fine, but you have to stay with me
 
Okay *smiles back laying down on the bed , you laying on his side*
 
*can’t help but smile really wide as she cuddles closer to his warm body*
 
*smiles happily looking into your eyes , his own eyes feeling drowsy* goodnight beautiful ..
 
*looks up at him, the saddness of the evening forgotten, smiles and kisses his cheek* goodnight my superman
 
*leans over and kisses her lips* see you in the morning beautiful .
 
*a slight chill washes over her body at his gentle touch* it’s a date
 
It is .. *were the final words he spoke before falling asleep with her in his arms*
 

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Posted in RP

Posted by: stasiamhoff | November 26, 2010

Rachel versuses the Red K Ring- Round 2

RP Between ClarkKent TheBlur, Rachel Owens, John Martian Manhunter Jones, and Taylor Culack, with a guest appearance by Micheal Batbunny Bunn. November 23, 2010.
This time around, when Rachel encounters Kal, Clark’s dark side, he is not alone- a red K ring- wearing John arrives with his friend.  The two quickly gang up on her and Rachel finds herself in a very difficult situation. While they are distracted, she manages to send a text to Taylor, Clark’s girlfriend. Rachel can only bide her time, hoping that Taylor arrives in time.

ClarkKent TheBlur

*flies with John up to you , landing hard beside you , one giant crater forming* hello there .

 *Smiles evily with Clark* Rachel….

Rachel Owens ‎

*steadies herself after the ground shakes and he eyes shift between Clark and John, suspicious* what do you two want with me?

ClarkKent TheBlur

Were just here for a little fun *grins* 

 Rachel Owens ‎

*raises an eyebrow* who says I’m in the mood for some fun?

*Smirks* You should be
 
You will be .
 
Or else what?
 
Or we’ll make you
 
*smirks* and how do you plan to do that?
 
*grins at John* I don’t think she would want to know the answer .
 
Humor me
 
*speeds behind you , leaning in by your ear* let’s not fight Hun .
 
*a shiver goes down her spin. her words cold and emotionless* get. away. now.
 
*Superspeeds in close* Listen to us Rachel
 
*begins to fell uncomfortable at how close they were*
 
*walks around to the front of her* rachel .. *laughs*
 
*a kryptonite sword is held against clark’s throat behind him, talks in a cold, intimidating angered voice* step away from my sister and I wont hurt you
 
*looks at Rachel* he hurts me , and your clarks gone for real .
 
*looks frantic at micheal* please, please just leave okay? i’ve got this under control
  
I’m warning you guys, if you lay one finger on her I wont hesitate to kill you both
 
*picks up the blue dagger throwing it to John* use your Martian vision on it *then looks down at micheal* suck on that , home boy .
 
*cries out loudly* everyone just stop it please!
  
*grunts when the dagger hits me*
 
*shoves mike* knock it off!
 
*jumps back and my ears droop* sorry sis……I was only trying to help
 
well you’re not! you know that clark is my everything and if you even touch him you’d have to answer to me!
 
 
*grins eyes flaring red* that I am .
 
*turns around and glares* not you KAL, my superman
 
Kal’s my name *salutes you*
 
*ears droop and I walk away sad* I’m sorry sis……*walks to the car and drives away to the house*
 
*rolls eyes at clark* knock it off
 
He’s quite the sad sad little man *laughs*
 
shut the fuck up. im done here *turns and storms off*
 
*Smiles* Aww we juss two super powered badass mofuckuhz
 
Hell yah John ! *superspeeds in front of Rachel* you can’t get away , so don’t try .
 
*getting frustrated* what the fuck do you want with me?!!
 
Just to accept me as your pathetic Clarky *looks down at you*
 
We want a badass Rachel! *Smiles*
 
*glares and smirks* well i can accept you as pathetic, that’s for sure
 
*grabs you by the shirt lifting you up* I .. Am not pathetic .
 
*laughs sarcastically* oh, is that so? picking on a mere human woman who has no powers? oh you’re right, you’re a super badass
 
*Grins* Aww cute little humans! They are so fragile!
 
*looked at John laughing* I know eh .
 
since you could so easily break me in two, just do it already. i mean, that’ll prove how not pathetic you are
 
*Laughs back* We can’t even super fuck em Kal!
 
*giggles* oh that’s where you’re wrong john
 
*looks at Rachel* when the hell did you superfuck ?
 
*smirks* know anyone by the name of Kon-El?
 
Nope , but all good . Just another reason for Clarky here *points to his mind* to not choose you *shrugs*
 
Humans would die though!
 
-shrugs- I’m alive, aren’t I? And for your information, Kal, it happened right after Clark chose Taylor over me.
 
Ah , even better . You fucked Kon-El even when you confessed your love for only Clarky *laughs slapping John on the shoulder* if Clark ever gets control . I can’t wait to see what he’s got go say about it .
 
Hmm me to! *Smirks*
 
I never said I loved Ko-
 
To bad he’s never gonna get control !! *laughs hard dropping Rachel to the ground*
 
*gasps as my body slams against the ground and a paralyzing pain stabs throughout*
 
Dammit why are humans sooo weak!?
 
*can’t move and can barely breathe, hisses* fuck you asshole. just finish me off already
 
*his eyes break from red, superspeeds to her side* Rachel ! Oh my go- *the red returns jumping back* fuck ! *turns to John* I never bury him deep enough . No worries , I just gotta spend sometime tonight doing that *laughs*
 
Nahhh I like when they suffer!
 
clark! *cries out*
 
Happens to me to! That damn John is constantly trying to escape!
 
I know right , god damn motherfuckers gotta just chill ,
 
clark, john please! you can fight this i know it! help me! *sobbing*
 
*looks at her* they have have already lost Rachel .
 
*tries to shake head and moans in agony* no there’s not. i believe in them. they’re still in my heart. they can beat the evil. they’re heroes!
 
 They are our slaves!
 
*whispers* no
 
*superhears her comment speeding to one knee beside her* yes .. *whispers*
  
*Quickly appears next to Rachel’s side and kneels down panting for air* Sorry I got here late *She whispered*

 Rachel Owens

taylor, help please -looks pleading-

*backs off standing confused* Taylor ?
 
*shakes her head* Who else do you fucking think it is? *rolls her eyes and slowly helps Rachel to her feet* I got a message from Rachel and got here soon as I could
 
*breathing hard* thank you for getting here when you did -grabs her crutches up off the ground and positions them under her arms-
 
Whoa….foursome *smirks* juss sayin
 
Dont talk to me like that . *stands his ground looking to John* don’t hurt her bro .
 
*stands in front of Rachel protectively* Yous aren’t laying another hand on her without getting through me *she glares at them both*
 
Easy enough! * Knocks Taylor down*
 
Taylor !! *clenched his fist pulling off the red k* no one hurts her !! *speeds at John throwing Jim into a wall , speeding over punching him again before impact*
 
*crawls over to taylor* you okay?
 
ARRR!! KAL-EL!!!! *Super punches you*
 
*flies back smashing straight into car , laying motionless for a moment for slowly getting up+
 
*groans loudly and pushes herself up off the concrete pavement* I’m fine *cracks her neck and looks over at John clearly pissed off*
 
*wide eyed, tries to crawl away somewhere safe*
 
I’LL TAKE YOU ALL ON!!!! C`MON!
 
GET FUCKED! *she shouted, turning around she ran over to Rachel*
 
 Leave them out of it John ! *speeds at John tackling him to the ground , taking hold of the ring* give it to me John !
 
*laying on the ground behind the car, shaking. coughs up blood due to a punctured lung*
 
NOOO! Leave my ring!! *Looks at you coldly* Get off Kryptonian!
 
*Helping Rachel to her feet she wrapped her arm around her lower back for support* I’m getting you out of here!
 
*sputtering* but clark..
 
*takes hold of the ring* almost !
 
NOO! *Stabs you with the blue k dagger*
 
*pulls off your ring , looking down at the dagger in my chest* ahhh .. *pained face , bits his lip , toppling over*
 
NO! *instantly letting go of Rachel she quickly ran behind John, grabbing his wrist she turned him around and threw him into a brick wall*
 
clark! *stumbles to his side* clark are you okay??
 
*Eyes return to normal* Kal-El! My brother!! What have I done!? *Runs to Clark’s side*
 
*looks up weakly , coughing up blood* just peachy .. *laughs slightly looking up at Taylor , then turns to rachel *sorry about the ..
 
*shakes head* forgotten. are you gonna be okay?
 
Pull .. Pull .. *coughs up more blood , cringing*
 
*looks down and sees the dagger, carefully pulls it out, cringing*
 
 *rolls her eyes and retrieves the crutches*
 
 *starts healing slowly leaning up* oh my god .. *coughs*
 
 *looks concerned, then sees taylor with my crutches* thanks girl.
 
 *looks at the girls* I’m .. I’m so sorry .. *looks away* I’m just .. I just gonna go ..
 
*stands up shakily* well you’re not leaving without taking me home first
 
Kal-El I am so sorry, I tried to fight it *Looks at Taylor* Are you alright?
 
*slowly hands over the crutches and looks over at John* Peachy fucking keen *turns back to Rachel making sure she’s alright then looks over at Clark*
 
I know John .. *looks at Rachel* no , I should just stay away from you guys . All I do is Hurt you , and Taylor .
 
Well you have to at least take me home after you beat the crap out of me damnit!
 
*turns to Taylor* I’m sorry .. *looks down*
 
*rolls eyes* forget it. i’ll find my own way home. thanks again taylor *begins to hobble away*
 
*looks away hurt by rachel’s words* John please take her home .
 
Kal-El those ring are too dangerous! I almost killed two lives!
 
It’s okay *looks down and wipes the blood off her chin* No worries *she says to Rachel quietly*
 
Rachel I will take you home
 
I ruined us , didn’t I ? *looks down sadly*
 
no i’m fine. i can get home by myself. take care of clark and taylor. you guys look after each other. im not cut out to be your friends because i am too weak. im a fragile human. so easily broken
 
Rachel don’t say that . Your my best friend !
 
*turns her head slightly* im more than that too, aren’t i? i can’t keep going through this *coughs up more blood* you and taylor, you can take care of each other. i dont have any super strength or self healing. i can’t *tears up and looks away*
 
Rachel whatever we said while wearing the rings, we do not mean. We care for you and all other life. You are our friend.
 
I could change the human thing for you? *looks up and walks over to Clark, lifting his chin up* I…still love you.
 
*whispers, dagger in her heart* im sorry *turns her back and uses her crutches to leave*
 
*smiles brightly looking into Taylors eyes , a tear falling down his own* I love too .. *
 
Well I’ll get going. Rachel let me take you home hun.
 
no damnit! *crying* i can find my own normal way home
 
*rubs the back of her neck still a bit sore* Speaking of going. I should as well. *smiles at Clark*
 
*superspeeds over to Rachel giving her a hug* dont cry Hun , I cant let you leave unless John accompanies you .
 
*Sadly turns away* I- I’m sorry Rachel
 
*turns to Taylor* give me a second beautiful , I’ll take you home .
 
*whinces when clark hugs her* leave me alone please?
 
How about I take her home? *raises a brow and looks over at Rachel* Maybe she could use some girl company.
 
*backs off hurt slightly* fine , I’ll leave you alone for good . *turns walking back over to Taylor* That works . *turns to John* let’s fly .
 
*sighs and pulls taylor aside* please just stay with clark. he’s my best friend and i hate seeing him like this
 
And I hate seeing you like this you’re in no condition to be alone, no matter what you say *sighs and glances over at Clark then back at her*
 
Ok Kal-El let’s fly
 
*shakes head* whatever. i *coughs* just want to get home
 
Take care of her taylor *nods* she’s doesn’t want me doing it anymore . *turns away*
 
oh seriously just stop it clark! *angrily*
 
*pushes off the ground , impulsing myself into the night sky into flight*
 
*mutters crying* asswipe
 
I’m sorry Rachel *Looks at Taylor* You two take care. *Flies after Kal*

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Posted in RP

Posted by: stasiamhoff | November 24, 2010

well that was a new record..

sooo pumped *eyeroll* cause daddy dearest was coming to pick me up to take me home for thanksgiving break.

looks like pittsburgh for the next four days maybe? probably? *actual excitement, kinda*

he arrived at 2:45.

i got in the car at 3:19.

by 3:25, i was bawling my eyes out.

two and a half minutes later, utter silent in the car except for the christian music he suddenly turned on.

oh i think this is going to be a FUN five days.

Oh fuck it- I’m staying at mom’s. He’s just gonna have to deal with it. Cause this is my holiday and I want to actually enjoy myself instead of being berated within minutes of seeing me. geez, some dad you are.

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Posted in urgh MEN

Posted by: stasiamhoff | November 23, 2010

steel knife

I can’t tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there’s a steel knife
In my windpipe
I can’t breathe

Right now my whole body is trembling. I feel like I’m about to just breakdown. I remember my last breakdown.. It was the night my mom had my lock myself in the car as I watched in horror the paramedics take my best friend to the hospital. She had gone over the edge and dragged me with her. All could only sit and scream and cry in the car, banging against the windows, begging them to let her go. But no one could hear me. No one cared about what effect such a sight would have on me. Then again, no usually cared anyway. It took months to finally move on, for the nightmares to stop. When she returned from the hospital, she blamed it all on me. I was 15 years old! I had never experienced something like that. I wasn’t allowed to practice with the volleyball team while she was there even though I was just as much a part of the team as she was- she would literally shriek if she saw me on the court. The coaches didn’t want her upset, and they knew that Stacey would be so understanding and only want the best for her, so I had to make the sacrifices. But did anyone care about me?? Or how I was feeling?? No. To this day? No. And then, just as I was finally getting over what happened, I find out that my own sister, my own flesh and blood, was behind my now-former best friend blaming it on me. My sister lied to her to cover her own ass. How the hell am I supposed to deal with that? And now here she is, three years later and she’s the one seeing a therapists and on medication- tell me, what happened to you that was so fucking bad that you needed to get mental help? Maybe betraying your family screws you up- I wouldn’t know cause I actually believe blood is thicker than water. You sold me out and now you’re just looking for attention! I know that’s what the suicide attempt was for- attention-seeking bitch. and you have the audacity to say that I’m jealous? I’m jealous?? You had to make stuff up so people would pay attention to you! I actually had, well, have, a problem and it became overshadowed by your “illness.” You never cared about me and you made sure no one else would either! Love you too sis.

And here I find out that I’m spending Thanksgiving break with dad. I don’t know what to think. Honestly I’m paralyzed with worry. Mom’s not gonna be there, for obvious reasons, but the three girls with him? Alone? Older sis is apparently “unstable,” younger sis is stuck with him on a daily basis and always pisses him off- which is really scary- and then there’s me. Daddy pretends that he’s always been world’s greatest dad- he even denies what he did to me for all those years! Are you kidding me?? Denying that you beat the SHIT out of your daughter on a regular basis, almost killing her once? and over CHRISTMAS COOKIES??

the cool air whirls in from an open door. the smell of pine is in the air. christmas music is playing from the radio upstairs. mom and older sis are in the kitchen cooking. little sis’s feet can be heard on the steps as she runs thundering away from the horrific scene- his strong hands tightening around her tiny throat. inaudible gasps leak out of her mouth. her mortified face going from red to purple. her eyes cloud over as unconsciousness bites at her vision. wetness splashes on her face as his yells obscenities at her.

To be honest, I don’t even remember how I survived. But I do know that that year was the last Christmas with a live tree.

Or how about when he would steal into the night to take out his anger?

you see i’ve got bad eyes, so i have to wear contacts which I didn’t used to keep in at night, so that would add to the terror.. it was always so dark, only shadows in the room.. i’d hear his steps come thundering up the stairs and throwing open my door (it pissed him off when our doors were shut) he would grab my by the shirt and rip me out of bed and throw me on the floor- that’s when i would wake up.. i could only see his eyes glowing with some undescribable hate? maybe that’s the word.. he would straddle me and lay his forearm over my throat and lean on it hard..  and the worst part (or maybe the best part) is that i can’t remember what would happen after that, other than his spit spraying on my face as he called me a worthless fat bitch.. that and absolute horror

Are you seriously going to stand there and pretend something like that is made up? Picking up a six year old and throwing her across the room and then falling upon her in a fury of fists because she played a piano piece too slow? I hate you dad. I hate you so much. How could you do that to me? You said I was your little girl and that you would always keep me safe from the world. Why couldn’t you keep me safe from you?

I’m so scared for sissy- living with you without me there to watch out for her? She calls just to talk because she misses me and is always so sad.. And there you are screaming at her in the background for talking to me! She insists that other than arguing with you, everything’s fine, but from what I can remember about my arguments with dad, they always called for a little extra makeup afterwards to hide the bruises. I’m so afraid for her. I just wanna grab her and take her to live with me so I can keep her safe from him! He shouldn’t be around any children or anyone for that matter! He hurts everyone he touches.

Fuck you, daddy dearest.

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Posted in deep thought

Posted by: stasiamhoff | November 23, 2010

Rachel versuses the Red K Ring- Round 1

RP Between ClarkKent TheBlur and Rachel Owens, November 20, 2010.
Clark and Rachel are best of friends; she’s his “Lois Lane.” Clark is a gentle, caring soul, but when he is convinced by fellow hero John Martian Manhunter to embrace the Red kryptonite ring, Clark is transformed to “Kal,” a darker, stronger, more evil version of himself. At this point, Rachel has already stumbled upon a red k ring- wielding Clark. Horrified at what he has become, she accuses him of being a “monster.” Furious, Kal grabs Rachel by the neck, choking her high in the air. John and Bart Impulse Allen, another hero and Clarkkent’s best friend, pleading “You’re a hero Kal!” finally convince him to drop Rachel, who hits the ground hard and injures herself. Recommending that Clark remove the ring for his own safety, Rachel storms off, upset at her friend’s sudden change in behavior. She hated that ring.

The Setting is an abandoned alleyway (isn’t that how they all are!). Rachel is on her way home, shaken up from her encounter with ClarkKent.

*superspeeds up behind you tapping you softly on the shoulder* hello my beautiful Lois Lane *grins , eyes flaring with a dark crimson color* how are you babe ? *rearranges the red kryptonite ring on my finger*
 
*turns to you slightly surprised with a raised eyebrow and nods to acknowledge you* Clark *sees your eyes and becomes guarded* I’m alright *looks down to your hand and sees the ring* But I’m guessing you’re not
 
What ? *cocks my head to the side staring at you innocently* I’m fine , no wait , *winks* I’m even better than fine , I’m great . *gently runs my hand along your cheek*
 
*eyes reserved, resisting the urge to lean into your touch, instead looks you in the eyes* The ring, Clark. Why are you wearing it?
 
Oh , this thing *lifts his hand up staring into the bright red ruby , standing mesmorized for a moment* I was debating early to put it on , but then John showed up and told me too . It makes me .. Better *winks suductively brushing back a single lock of your hair , eyes flaring again with red*
 
*heart stutters for a moment, but she recovers quickly* John told you to put it on? He wouldn’t do that.. *studies you* What do you mean it makes you better
 
Oh , but he did *shrugs softly* well *thinks for a moment* it .. It makes me act more , act more on instinct , will , need, anger . It basically makes me grow a pair of balls in a way *laughs softly* gorgeous *cocks a brow*
 
*tilts her head at him* so let me get this straight, you didn’t have balls before? *chuckles* Still I think that thing is bad news. Can you take it off for me?
 
*laughs softly* funny .
Wait , why take it off ? *stares confused* if I take this off *waves his hand in front of your face* I won’t act on my impulse to .. *brushes my fingers along your lips* yah know ..
 
*trembling at his touch* Maybe that would be better, so you can think rationally. *voice a little stronger* You have a girlfriend, remember? Her name’s Taylor and you’re in love with her, not me
 
*bits his lower lip , shaking his head softly in disappointment* Rachel , Rachel , Rachel .. *turns my gaze back on you* you disappoint , and surprise me .
 
*clearly affected by his strong gaze, clears throat* Um, why do you say that?
 
Because Rachel *chuckles softly* I can tell how much you want that other Clark version , and even now I can see it in your eyes and voice . But even so , you don’t act on your chance .
 
*trying to get away from his gaze* No matter what my feelings are, I can’t act on them.. Clark, the real you, not this *gestures with her hand, at a lost of how to describe him*, is in love with Taylor and happy. I would be a terrible friend if I helped hurt his relationship *hugs herself and rubs her arms slightly*
 
*chuckles softly* you a good friend , you know that . *smiles slightly* so .. I wonder *slide a finger along your lips* how’d you react if , this me , did this *leaned down kissing your lips passionately bringing you close*
 
*whole body begins to shake as she returns the kiss throwing her arms around him tightly. suddenly stops and almost jumps back, a finger touching her lips, slowly looking at him* That’s not fair
 
*chuckles softly licking and feeling his own lips* wow Rachel , I don’t recall you ever tasting so good *he smirked lightly looking up at you speeding in front of you again* one more time ?
 
*gasps at his sudden appearance in front of her* I don’t think that’s a good idea. *tries to back away again but feels a brick wall at her back. Looks up at him helpless*
 
*smiles sweetly leaning in slightly placing a hand on the wall , caressing your cheek softly with the other . He leaned in to kiss her again stopping his lips an inch from hers whispering* your turn .
 
*heart pounding so loud you could hear it, turns her head to the side* I-I don’t know what you’re talking about
 
It’s your turn to kiss first Hun *he said softly leaning her face back in front of him looking down at her lips*
 
*grasping onto the wall for support and tries to shake her head* No I can’t do that to Clark.
 
Dammit Rachel , I am Clark ! *he yells calmly*
 
No *stands up off the wall, pushing you back slightly* Clark won’t act this way.. it’s that *points to the ring* give me the ring please
 
*moves my hand behind my back , hiding it from you* this is Clark . The new Clark . The old ones gone .
 
*look of disbelief and shock* What? What do you mean the old Clark’s gone?
 
I’m never gonna take this ring off *grins evilly waving it in your face*
 
*looks hurt and a little angry* Fine, but don’t expect me to stay here and watch you destroy your life *pushes past him and walks away*
 
*speeds back in front of her*
 
*glares* get out of my way
 
*smiles sweetly , knowing how much you love it* don’t be like that .
 
*looking away* knock it off and move
 
No wonder Clark never chose you , your no fun .. *shakes his head giggling evilly*
 
*looks back, eyes burning* go to hell
 
I’m already there .. *smirks turning your face back towards my glare*
 
What can I do to get you to let me leave?
 
*thinks* hmmmm , how about a real kiss ..
 
*shocked, then eases* that’s all?
 
for now .. yes *winks*
 
oh.. *takes a step towards him so her chest is barely touching his. she looks up at his eyes with a look of sadness and longing before her eyes flash to his mouth and she leans in carefully and brushes her lips against his*
 
*he smiles evilly leaning in touching his lips to hers*
 
*kisses him with a flick of tongue for a moment, then pulls back* good?
 
no , that wasnt real * turns away* I said real , like it was that other , ridiculous Clark you feel for ..
 
ridiculous Clark? oh give me a break. He is the sweetest, most loyal thing and he’s ALWAYS been there for me. That Clark has my heart and I won’t be able to kiss anyone like I kiss him.
 
*laughs under his breath* that Clark , was a bitch , he never acted , to scared that he’d hurt someone , never .. never was me , what he should be . *looks down at you* He looks just like me , pretend im him .
 
*shakes head sadly* no. because when i look in your eyes I don’t see my Clark. True he never acted and that’s what hurt me, but I’d rather him do that then deliberately try to hurt me like you do
 
I’m not trying to hurt you , im trying to give you what you want *smiles sweetly turning my expression to the old Clark* im sure i could be like him ..
 
*begins to cry* I want my old Clark back! or I don’t want any Clark at all
 
Ah come on babe .. don’t cry *hugs you softly* is that good ? im i like him now ? *laughs on his breath*
 
*hearing his laugh, she turns cold and pushes against him* no you’re not. this fucking ring *grabs your hand with the ring on it* has killed the man I love
 
Ooooh , kinky *giggles , with an evil grin grabbing you by the shirt , lifting you inches from the ground pulling you in his face*
 
*starts hitting his chest with her hands, angrily* put me down! you can’t just pick me up like some rag doll- PUT ME DOWN
 
*drops her to the ground eyes flashing red again , wincing in sudden pain* ahh .. *bits his teeth together fiddling the ring fighting off the pain*
 
*falls to the ground and cries out as she hears something crack. holding her ankle in pain, she looks up at you in horror, trying to figure out what was happening*
 
*falls to his side , wincing with a light cry looking up at Rachel* he .. help .. me . *closing his crys pulling at the ring*
 
Clark! *crawls over in pain and tugs at the ring. crying* come off you damn thing!
 
*twirls around in more pain eyes dark, dark crimson*
 
*yanks harder on the ring until it comes off and goes flying. crying, checks on him* Clark, Clark? Can you hear me?
 
…. *turns slightly looking weakly at you* ra .. Rachel ..
 
*smiles slightly and the tears fall harder, touches a hand to his face* Clark how are you feeling?
 
Better *looks up sadly* I’m sor- sorry .. I better go *crawls weakly to his feet *
 
nonononono *takes your arm and pulls you back down, throws my arms around you* not after i just got you back
 
*hugs you back weakly* Rachel I’m so sorry .
 
*breathing heavily, tears rolling down her face* I didn’t think I’d ever see you again
 
Neither did I *turns away sadly* luckily , I found enough strength to fight back when he hurt you .
 
Well I’m glad you did *looks down to the ground, whispers* He was so cruel.. I didn’t want to kiss him
 
It’s fine Rachel , I don’t hold it against you *brushes back a lock of your hair* You did what you had to , it was a brave thing to do .
 
*looks up teary eyed* All I could do is think of you. I never wanted you more than in the instant he picked me up by the throat and yelled. *shudders*
 
*places both hands on her shoulders softly* He’s gone now , its okay , im here now and im never leaving you again .
 
*whispers, staring sadly at him* You promise?
 
I promise *smiles sweetly*
 
*smiles softly* there’s my Clark
 
*giggles* yes , im back *winks*
 
*laughs slightly then puts my arms around you, resting my head on your shoulder*
 
*pulls you in closer , hugging you softly smiling*
 
*lets go and brightens* you wanna get out of here?
 
*smiles brightly* where to babe ?
 
*shrugs* anywhere but here. Help me up?
 
*jumps up , pulling you up softly* anywhere in particular at all ?
 
*tries to stand and almost collapses when I try to put pressure on my right ankle*
 
*kneels down beside you* oh no .. I forgot all about that . *x-raying your ankle* its broken .. im , im sorry Rachel *looks up at you sadly*
 
*leans forward and rests her forehead against his* it’s okay, it wasn’t you that did this to me. it was.. *looks up suddenly* the ring? where did it go?
 
*looks around frantically* umm .. *sees it* there . *superspeeds over and picks it up . My eyes start flashing red*
 
whoawhoawhoa drop it! *crawls on my hands and knees and takes it from you* I’ll take care of this, thank you very much
 
*my eyes die down* woah .. it kicks in fast . thanks .
 
*nods* that’s what I was afraid of *carefully places the ring in a safe place in her purse and tries to stand again with a pained face*
 
*speeds to her side and gently pics her up in his arms smiling*
 
*looks at him and sighswith a smile* you’re just gonna keep saving me, aren’t you, my superman *kisses his cheek softly*
 
always *winks softly* so , to the hospital beautiful ?
 
nooo anywhere but THAT *laughs* I freaking live there!
 
well , what are you gonna do about that ankle ? *looks at you saddened*
 
*lifts head and glances at it* eh, it’ll be fine after some ice and wrapping it good
 
okay then .. *smiles* whatever you say babe .
 
*grins and rolls eyes* it’s not the first time that poor ankle’s been snapped in half *laughs*
 
awe babe , im sorry I did this , *bits his lip looking down* I know , it wasnt me , me . but still , its me in my mind .
 
*puts a hand under your chin and raises your face to look at me, eyes search his, full of love, softly* do you think I care about my ankle? You were the only thing I was worrying about tonight. I had to find a way to get you back. And you said yourself, when he hurt me, that’s what gave you the power to fight. So I don’t regret the injury or am mad at you at all
 
*he looked into her eyes , a single tear falling from his* Rachel .. You’re the most amazing friend ever , *he smiled sweetly* I’m so lucky to have you , I love you . Now I seriously think we should go to the hospital , I’ll stay with you the whole time . I promise .
 
*smiles and wipes away your tear* you’re the best friend i’ve had. and i would do everything i did tonight again in a heartbeat if that meant bringing you back to me. -kisses his cheek- but if you insist on the hospital and PROMISE to stay with me, I guess I can’t argue with that
 
*smiles biting his bottom lip them looked up superspeeding them to metropolis general , carrying her through the front doors*
 
*head spinning slightly and mutters* Judas priest, forget the ankle- im gonna need my neck checked out for whiplash! *giggles to herself*
 
*laughs* too fast ? *turns to an available doctor discussing the situation , he takes her onto an examination table , Clark follows behind*
 
*sits on the table as the doctor checks it out carefully. the whole time Rachel smiles at Clark*
 
*Clark smiled back at Rachel hoping everything would be alright . The doctors began working on the cast as Clark sat down in the room*
 
*as the doctor sets the bone and casts her ankle, a nurse gives her a dosage of medication for the pain as well a prescription for more.*
 
*Clark sat there patiently wishing there was something he could do to help , but knowing there wasn’t he continued to smile*
 
*the doctor finishes the cast and gives her some crutches and sends her on her way. Rachel stands up and looks at Clark* You alright?
 
Yah I’m fine , just happy to see you on your feet .. Wait , on your foot *laughs*
 
*rolls eyes and laughs* yeah me too. Let’s get out of here
 
*walks with her out the front door then looks at her* you want me to carry you ? Those crutches seem a bit annoying .
 
*looks at you and sighs* if it wouldn’t be too much trouble
 
For you , never . *takes the crutches from her , and gently scoops her up into her arms* better ?
 
*looks up at him smiling wide* much better. in fact, the best I’ve felt in a long time
 
Well that’s good and bad . You had to break our ankle to feel good ? *laughs*
 
*looking at you smiling and shaking my head* and I’d do it again right now if I had to. because you’re just that damn special *winks and laughs*
 
Awe *smiles* you know , truthfully . I thought you’d like that Clark .
 
*looks at him quizzically* why would you think that?
 
Well , when I saw what he was doing at first and how he acted I thought you wanted that . He was giving you what I didn’t . *looks away sadly* I thought I .. was giving you the Clark you wanted .
 
*sighs and tilts her head at him* Clark, he could never be the one I wanted because I want YOU. Sweet, loving, loyal, incredibly sexy *giggles a moment* pure, a hero. He was.. he was evil, and not in the good way. He frightened me. *puts a hand to her throat as it’s burning*
 
I’m sorry Rachel . *looks down at you sadly* I’m sorry that my hands , that my strength , that my body did this to you .
 
*looks into your eyes with tears* but it wasn’t you that did this to me. it was.. *looks at her purse and sighs* that evil ring. *swallows dry and sighs, leaning her head against his shoulder*
 
I know *looking away* but in my mind , my memories I see me . *looks back at you*
 
*looks at him, the tears are gone* but i don’t
 
Well that’s good *smiles a bit* I’d hate to have you remember me like that .
 
to me, you and that Clark are two completely separate people *laughs softly, then studies him a minute- did he hurt Taylor?
 
No , actually she kinda liked him *laughs*
 
*quietly* oh.. so im guessing you’ll be wanting that ring back?
 
No , I want you to keep that one , and for her to keep one . She choose me , not him . And I trust you both .
 
*looks down and nods quietly*
 
What’s wrong ? *looks at you sadly*
 
*barely audible, not looking up* im fine
 
No really , you can barely talk . What’s wrong Rachel ?
 
*shakes her head, not looking up, but you feels a tear fall onto your arm*
 
*looks down at the tear , and frowns sadly lifting your face up at his* Rachel , why are you crying ? Please , talk to me .
 
*looks into your eyes searching with tears, whispers* just take me home
 
Uh .. Okay . Sure *he put a fake smile on over his hurt face and looked forward superspeeding to Rachel’s home*
 
*her arms tight around his neck, buries her face into his shoulder as she cries harder*
 
Awww Rachel .. *rubbed her back softly* please just tell me what’s wrong , I can’t stand seeing you like this .
 
*when she finally can talk again, looks up with hurt in her eyes and says quietly* I will always love you
 
I know that Rachel , and I do and will always love you too *smiles weakly* but what’s wrong , why the tears ? *he added wiping a few from her cheek*
 
*tight smile, blinking more tears* that’s all, I just love you
 
Well I love you to Rachel , and nothing will ever change that *smiles sweetly*
 
good *nods and smiles, a few more tear falls. kisses your cheek* thank you for taking me home
 
Your welcome beautiful *smiles carrying you to the front door , softly touching your feet to the ground helping you your crutches*
 
*chuckles softly and adjusts the crutches under my arms, looking up at you with a little smile* tell Taylor I said hi
 
*those words hurt him , but he didn’t know why* don’t worry , I will *he smiled kissing her on the cheek* I hope you feel better in the morning ..
 
*closes her eyes when she feels his lips on her cheek, her heart aching* thank you. so do I
 
Goodnight Rachel *he said politely then turned and walked away*
 
*watches him leave and sighs, then quickly turns to the door and struggles to get it open and tears flow anew. muttering* damnit Rachel
 
*appears behind her placing his hand on hers at the handle* here , let me . *he smiled softly , opening the door*

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